It Still Hurts

www.purpleclover.com

There are times that we would never thought that it still hurts, even though we are happy knowing the person we loved before were already committed with someone else. I got one story, and it goes like this:

                Holding my phone, I browse over the web, read updates from social media networks, clicking some likes and dragging down for more...then accidentally my eyes flicker over that post. Uh-oh, he got some updates. Got to pause awhile, checking that I’m not getting a false alarm. Bump! There it goes, “In a Relationship”. I switched off my phone and make up my mind. Got a sigh---a big sigh. Gosh, I’m happy for him, but I just can’t understand, why the hell do I feel such pain? Can’t deny - I get hurt, OMG, it still hurts.

                C'mon what happened??? Well, I came to realize what people mostly say “The value of a person is more appreciated when they’re gone” and it sucks me.

It’s Complicated

You know what? You may find it so insane, but this always comes to my mind. Mostly, guys, these days just wanna have fun. It’s so true right? When it comes to love, it’s a game. When it comes to relationships, it’s complicated. Errr, they’re such a dense. Sorry this sounds so mean. But, why they prefer to get into that damn complicated relationship then? Why do they love playing games? A game that says...whoever falls in love first will lose or a hide & seek scenario. C’mon such a freak! Well, I still understand them anyway, it’s a guy thing though, and it’s their nature. I know playing games is fun & should be enjoyed. There are rules also to be obeyed. I know also that in the end, there should someone to win but the real point is...it’s more of a win-win situation wherein both opponent gain. It’s the reward...the lessons & experience. Every girl knows that of course. Hmmm, but in this kind of relationships---taking such chances by trying, playing with feelings, enjoying the waves of every moment until such time wherein it goes off beyond the limits. Damn...this is sickenin’. It should not be that way. I hope guys should take in control over every action they’re taking in. Guys should know how to stop it. Guys should know how to close the door that very moment, on the first step they risk in opening it. Girls do are kinda weak when it comes to feelings that’s why most guys do take advantage of it. Girls also have that powerful instinct and very well in reading body languages. So every action a guy makes might be misinterpreted.

Having entered into a complicated relationship is easy & smooth at first, but as time goes by, it’s getting harder & harder until it breaks. Especially when that relationship is not getting into the right track as it goes by; when you feel it’s gonna work no more; when there’s only one who’s willing to continue building it; when beforehand, it’s complicated already & both of you just wanna try. Then when it gets worse, you got nothing to do but to shout it out, just to release the pain, the hatred that burdens you so much. I know there are few who make this relationship work, but honestly, I know you do know too...it really takes so much pain before you gain from it. It’s riskier ‘coz you don’t know where it’s leading. There’s no plan at all.  It’s a take it or leave it situation. It’s not really an ideal move by a gentle guy. Every girl wants to be treated as they should be, as a real girl, as a lady, as a woman and guys should always be aware of it.

Awkward Moment

That moment when you’re thought whispers “I like him”, and it feels so damn awkward at the same time. That moment when you used to be so silent coz you’re unable & uncomfortable to speak. That moment when you keep staring at him & suddenly takes off your gaze when he looks back. That moment when you feel conscious with your actions, you used to hide all your jittery inside. Hey, you know what??? Take a note of this one, you used to know each other in words...but for real...gosh its kinda blow off. I don’t get it, a part of me knows how to deal with it but still, it’s just I’m that Ms. KnowItAll. He kicked off my gawkiness by a nudge. Wow ugh, that’s a nice start, I think. So I should act the usual way, Isn’t it? How come I couldn’t?  

How come I’d been trap with that awkwardness? Oh! C’mon, that very moment could give it a shot. It’s a “don’t be a kill joy, go with flow and just enjoy” chance. This is so sickenin’, you know, I got nothing to do but to hush it up & take control over what I should have to, to take control the feelings bursting over me, to just let it happen & be blown by the wind. I understand that he’s been cautious over his actions ‘coz he’s guard off with his group of friends who knows nothing about us beeping up each other a long while. Honestly, there’s nothing to worry over things going on that very moment, coz it’s so typical. All I want is to know him a bit more, coz his cool, his funny and one more thing...he’s cute. At first, I didn’t notice, but as I get closer, OMG...he really is. Don’t you dare to smile even more, I’m gonna fly shhhhh. Anyway, on my way until it’s over, I always think of this so damn crap...errr. I can’t help it? Whatta freak. Dunno what to do? Please somebody let me stop this. I know everything of that moment is a Certified Awkward Affair ever.

Fab Feb

Ohh, it’s Feb again...Valentine’s Day’s comin’ again. I remember last year, V-day was just a typical day and nothing seemed to be special ‘ya know...I’m single. Anyway...that day sounds to be cliché. It falls on weekends...so it’s a TGIF kind of my usual night out. I gotta beep on my friends of course. Ooosh, I didn’t expect to have various invites. I came up with two groups to mingle with. One friend brought her friends...gals of course. So I gain sort of new people to befriend. We sang all night. They’re bubbly and funny. Errr crazy crap...LOL! The other one are my close friends, so I had to be there for a missed-clubbing-thing I’d craved for so long. Almost AM after that ludicrous songs, and I doubt of goin’ up in the club after. Another thing...I don’t have someone to pick me up on my crib to accompany me goin’ there for a cab ride. Honestly I beep up some, just to make few attempts. Phew..Sorry wrong timing. Bump! But I gotta be there...I’m the one who got that idea of party rockin’ single chick for that sickening valentines night blah. I dressed up hustily, retouched...there I go. Uh-oh when I’m finally there, I’m so wide awake in intense upon seeing the club. I missed it. Oh My...I’d enjoyed, though it’s not a wild & flirty night on me...no hot guys that much. Hmmm maybe they’re out in dates. Just enjoying the music dj’s playing as we booty shakes, head bangs, jumping and clapping hands up to the beat...yeah I really loved it. What a valentine experience ugh...singles still rule! LOL!

By the way, I got here something you should check out: Fun Ideas For Single People On Valentine's Day Go Gals start it out.

Can't Resist

After our petty conversations few days ago, I didn’t expect he would say that. I just can’t explain how it hurts knowing that he had her girl already. Burst of bloody pains run out my veins all throughout my body. My heart is crying though my eyes are dry. I wanna cry it out loud. I’m so damn broken. I know I got no reason to react ‘bout it. It was just so maddening to feel this way. I know he’s not a no-good. But...why I’m so him that much? 

Next day I used to go over her profile...find out what happened! OMG! This sucks...Its oh-so-true. He had his girl already and seeing that picture together crashed me so much. I don’t know what to do. I was locked out in shock. I’m wondering how long really that was taken ‘coz it’s just a few months ago since we’re in touch with crappy flirty things. It’s just a few months ago when I used to believe with his pretty word not knowing it was all lies. But you know what...I feel like I was a nitwit. Imagine, what the hell I was thinking after all? I still hope...damn! I know it should not be like that. I should not feel& react that way. Gross. Can I let somebody poked me up from this cranks?