Loving You Hurts Me

     

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     You know what? I always think of this... why on earth do I used to make such a space for you? As in always! With just one “hi” from you, I responded so quickly. With that just one text, oh gosh, I can’t help it. It really makes my day. You really mean a lot to me.

     Then I found out one day that I must stop this insanity. Why? You got a girl already. It feels like my heart was pierced by a bullet. I felt like I’d been betrayed. I felt like I’d been duped. I felt like I used to be such a fool for you. It’s hard. A part of me was blown away by so much pain. Husssh. I don’t want to sounds like I’m an option. I conditioned myself to ignore you, not to think of you. I’m trying really, I keep trying.

     Well, honestly, I did it. I did forget you but just for awhile. Hell yeah “for just awhile”. That was so damn, you know. I thought that I’m already over you. I thought that I could finally make it, to let you go, to really forget you. Such until my phone beeps. Opps, I got sms from you checking me how I was. Suddenly my eyes flickered, my lips started to form a smile. The back of my mind reminds me that I shouldn’t. “Hey, remember? Can you stop it, please?” Hmmm...I know I’m kinda naughty. I still replied. Yep, I replied. I used to act as if it’s just a usual convo, that this can’t be more than what it is expected to be , that we’re just friends. Oh gross, got nothing to say. The thing is...I’M STILL HOLDING ON. That moment you beep me up, everything messed up again and it sucks. That was so reckless. I always missed and always want you. 

     Time has passed, our communication keeps on going. I’ve noticed that you’re already available. Haven’t seen your girl on your facebook timeline. So, I used to go with the flow...and let’s see. Then here comes again the reality. This time, I’d been so sucked up. That moment when we got some sort of agreement and with that I need to ask you something as a condition. The question that slapped me with so much hurt. I ask you if you’re available and you said “I’m not.” Remember? You lied the second time. You make me believe with your sweet talks. Make me believe with your kind concerns. Make me believe that there could be something more from us. I can’t understand myself on why I keep holding on to something I’m not sure of to where it’ll be goin’. Why I keep holding on to the feeling that was uncertain, especially on you, on what you want to happen, on what you want from me. You really upset me. I wanted to cry but my eyes were dry. My heart beats slowly just like I’m running out of my breathing. I really don’t know what to do. Wanting you so bad was like screaming out of pain. I pitied myself of being imprisoned with that feeling I have for you knowing that at the end of the day...we can never be together. I almost forgot to keep in mind that I deserve more than you and I should love myself more than you. My friends once told me to let go. Yeah, I know they’re right but I also know that it’s not just easy. Honestly, you know what? loving you is like hurting myself at the sametime. Hope you realized ‘coz I wanna get over with this mess so soon. 

V-day and What?

It's Heart's Day again. Love, couples, flowers, chocolates, dates- the back of my mind says...so what? LOL. Sounds bitter ugh! Just kidding. Well, I'm single and there's nothing to expect 'bout it anyways. Also, I don't have much plan actually. ATM-I'm just with my phone hovering those feeds, got over my computer and doin' some write ups, I'm with cousin watching movies. Let's see what might happen later. Hmmm, this day is not just for couples right? Hell yeah, enjoy the day, enjoy the weekends. Here, check this- got something to share, I found out this, as I go over some articles... A-Single-Girl's-Guide-to-Valentine's-Day. This is cool. It will give this ordinary day some omph. Oh hey! I also inserted an article worth reading, a sort of Valentine-facts. Weird-Things-You-Didnt-Know-About-Valentines-Day.

It Started with a Pic

I got this one glimpse story and this seemed to be a little magical. Yeah, it’s a night with colourful skies full of stars & fireworks. A party shot w/ my cool friends. Here...I never thought of this cutie guy asking to take a picture with me. I recognized him before but I just didn’t mind that much. Yes...I know he’s really cute. I just smiled at him & yeah alright...I took my nod over him when he was introduced with me. Of course, it’s a peculiar scene. What’s so funny is that...I don’t know...but there’s a spark between us. Goshy, this is crazy. It made me smile, not just a smile but a grin. I can’t hide it. I knew my face suddenly turning a little reddish at that moment & so on. After that one click from his cam, he asked for another one. Looking over his phone, whatta smile...he got that very awesome smile. I think I’m frozen. My world stops in awhile. Yeah, honestly, all I see was him & me. This is kinda an XO, ‘ya know. Until such time we need to part. It’s time for me to go even though I don’t want yet. I gave him my goodbye. There ‘ya go...I can’t help it. I still have that smile all over me. He’s so damn cute. I can’t sleep immediately thinking of him especially his smile. This really sucks. Then as I woke up the next morning...c’mon, he’s the first person in my head. I don’t know what to say. I’m hoping to see him again & bond with him again so soon. What a fairytale moment...isn’t it? Oh my...I love it.

Irreplaceable

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Oh here I go back in this screwy place I’d been before all over again

Tracing the path you left in me with marks that were still so clear.

All of the stories we’ve made were telling me it won’t work out, dear,

And it will just drip me off with such a pain.

But I keep walking and walking

Knowing, believing and hoping

For I don’t care, I just keep on going

Taking every step, it’s like I’m dashing

Clearing off the pace like I’m hunting

Fearlessly breaking the walls like I’m crashing

I just can’t help, you’re all I’m missing

Draft patterns I see, it’s you...reflecting

Words in my head, it’s your name screaming

It’s hard for me, you’re all I’m thinking

This damn stupid things screwed me up.

Grasping for that big sigh, raising with my eyebrows up.

I just laugh it out myself ‘coz I really just can’t resist you.

My gosh! What the hell it is that I’m just so into you?

What’s Your Love Language?

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People have different ways in giving love, as well as in receiving it. Some shows love by giving stuffs like chocolates and flowers, some expresses their love by ringing up that someone just to tell them “I love you.” Some feels that they are loved if someone hugs them. Some feels the love if someone is simply just always right besides them. So, the question is...how will you know if it’s love?  

Have you heard the languages of love? Yeah, love do speaks in different languages and we need to brood over it. As we all know, love is an action word and it needs communication (verbal/non-verbal) and so...it needs a language. Love is just like a usual convo wherein, both the giver and the receiver of the message need to have that common language for mutual understanding.  Well, what are these love languages then??? According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five (5) languages of love, it’s written down there:

1)      Words of affirmation

2)      Quality time

3)      Receiving gifts

4)      Acts of service

5)      Physical touch

Hmmm...so what ya think is yours??? I have a quizzer in here Love Language Test  I already took this one and its fun. Honestly, I wasn’t that so surprised on the result of this quizzer ‘coz I got the gist on how it should be...well, it’s based on psychological study and I knew it’s so me. Now speak with me...what ‘ya think is mine? Whoops...I don’t know if my closest ones knew my love language hehe. I guess, they’re the one who would gonna be surprised anyway. So...you can let your friends, family and that special someone, anyone you love, to take this quizzer also so you will know his/her love language. Checked it out and see what love language you’re speaking. You can also go over this site from Dr. Chapman and know more about this 5lovelanguagesDrChapman.