Burstout

#ImLovaholic_Burstout

I came to this part where I just can’t move

Telling me something that it’s not that good

Gotta be sitting still like I’m ‘bout to breakout

I’m gasping to catch some air all throughout

But all I can hear now is my heart’s crying

Damn! It was so loud that I gotta be fainting

How insane it is that it kills me inside

It bleeds through my veins and I just can’t hide

Got from a stab that hits straight through mine

Seems like I’d been shattered down the line

I’m trying so hard to fight this pain I feel

For I know that I’m so weak and it’s hard to deal

Didn’t thought it would end in such a mess

Didn’t thought believing in such a haste

Holding on to that gold chain cloaked with rust

‘Til I notice my fingers are burning in gust

I cautiously loosen up myself from that grip

Left me with bruise and mark that etch so deep

Shallow mind, irrational decisions, baffled emotions

I’m almost crashing from the limit of my dimensions

Loving You Hurts Me

     

http://smag31.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/lonely-girl.jpg

     You know what? I always think of this... why on earth do I used to make such a space for you? As in always! With just one “hi” from you, I responded so quickly. With that just one text, oh gosh, I can’t help it. It really makes my day. You really mean a lot to me.

     Then I found out one day that I must stop this insanity. Why? You got a girl already. It feels like my heart was pierced by a bullet. I felt like I’d been betrayed. I felt like I’d been duped. I felt like I used to be such a fool for you. It’s hard. A part of me was blown away by so much pain. Husssh. I don’t want to sounds like I’m an option. I conditioned myself to ignore you, not to think of you. I’m trying really, I keep trying.

     Well, honestly, I did it. I did forget you but just for awhile. Hell yeah “for just awhile”. That was so damn, you know. I thought that I’m already over you. I thought that I could finally make it, to let you go, to really forget you. Such until my phone beeps. Opps, I got sms from you checking me how I was. Suddenly my eyes flickered, my lips started to form a smile. The back of my mind reminds me that I shouldn’t. “Hey, remember? Can you stop it, please?” Hmmm...I know I’m kinda naughty. I still replied. Yep, I replied. I used to act as if it’s just a usual convo, that this can’t be more than what it is expected to be , that we’re just friends. Oh gross, got nothing to say. The thing is...I’M STILL HOLDING ON. That moment you beep me up, everything messed up again and it sucks. That was so reckless. I always missed and always want you. 

     Time has passed, our communication keeps on going. I’ve noticed that you’re already available. Haven’t seen your girl on your facebook timeline. So, I used to go with the flow...and let’s see. Then here comes again the reality. This time, I’d been so sucked up. That moment when we got some sort of agreement and with that I need to ask you something as a condition. The question that slapped me with so much hurt. I ask you if you’re available and you said “I’m not.” Remember? You lied the second time. You make me believe with your sweet talks. Make me believe with your kind concerns. Make me believe that there could be something more from us. I can’t understand myself on why I keep holding on to something I’m not sure of to where it’ll be goin’. Why I keep holding on to the feeling that was uncertain, especially on you, on what you want to happen, on what you want from me. You really upset me. I wanted to cry but my eyes were dry. My heart beats slowly just like I’m running out of my breathing. I really don’t know what to do. Wanting you so bad was like screaming out of pain. I pitied myself of being imprisoned with that feeling I have for you knowing that at the end of the day...we can never be together. I almost forgot to keep in mind that I deserve more than you and I should love myself more than you. My friends once told me to let go. Yeah, I know they’re right but I also know that it’s not just easy. Honestly, you know what? loving you is like hurting myself at the sametime. Hope you realized ‘coz I wanna get over with this mess so soon. 

It Still Hurts

www.purpleclover.com

There are times that we would never thought that it still hurts, even though we are happy knowing the person we loved before were already committed with someone else. I got one story, and it goes like this:

                Holding my phone, I browse over the web, read updates from social media networks, clicking some likes and dragging down for more...then accidentally my eyes flicker over that post. Uh-oh, he got some updates. Got to pause awhile, checking that I’m not getting a false alarm. Bump! There it goes, “In a Relationship”. I switched off my phone and make up my mind. Got a sigh---a big sigh. Gosh, I’m happy for him, but I just can’t understand, why the hell do I feel such pain? Can’t deny - I get hurt, OMG, it still hurts.

                C'mon what happened??? Well, I came to realize what people mostly say “The value of a person is more appreciated when they’re gone” and it sucks me.

Can't Resist

After our petty conversations few days ago, I didn’t expect he would say that. I just can’t explain how it hurts knowing that he had her girl already. Burst of bloody pains run out my veins all throughout my body. My heart is crying though my eyes are dry. I wanna cry it out loud. I’m so damn broken. I know I got no reason to react ‘bout it. It was just so maddening to feel this way. I know he’s not a no-good. But...why I’m so him that much? 

Next day I used to go over her profile...find out what happened! OMG! This sucks...Its oh-so-true. He had his girl already and seeing that picture together crashed me so much. I don’t know what to do. I was locked out in shock. I’m wondering how long really that was taken ‘coz it’s just a few months ago since we’re in touch with crappy flirty things. It’s just a few months ago when I used to believe with his pretty word not knowing it was all lies. But you know what...I feel like I was a nitwit. Imagine, what the hell I was thinking after all? I still hope...damn! I know it should not be like that. I should not feel& react that way. Gross. Can I let somebody poked me up from this cranks?

Sick on You

You know what...going back to that place again...where you got so much memories...really sucks! Everytime I come into this place especially when I’m alone, I feel so paralyzed. My heart cried so loud and I got nothing to do but to let all these wounds be washed just to ease the pain I feel inside. This time, where I know I can’t see him anymore. Where I can’t talk to him anymore. It’s totally so incomplete to be here without him. Of all the things that we have shared, laughters, stories as well as those flirty things...just between us-it’s ridiculous...it’s creepy...and I love it.

It made me so upset, imagine...3hrs of dawdling...husssh...so sickening and I feel like I’m gonna die in a second. What a big sigh! It’s really hard you know. It’s been a dull-trip-thing ever.