When Love Sucks...

Your honesty slapped me on my face really bad that it bruised immediately. I felt disrespected. I don't deserve to be treated that way. Yeah, I appreciate how you told me what's the truth, what's your real intention. The worst thing is that...what made me allow it for you to hurt me the second time around? Why??? What's wrong with me that I always messing up on instances like that? That I always taking risk on something not worth it. That I always end up loosing this game of love. What's with me falling in love with the wrong person as always? Ugh, that really sucks.

In the first place. I know what you're goin' through. I know you're still hurt. I understand how you engage yourself to try to be bad sometimes. You take revenge. Well, a bad revenge that others got in trouble with you. Got hurt from you. It's so unfair. I'm trying to help you but you just keep so silent on that. I always believed that you're a good person, that I'm open with anything, knowing for sure that it made you misinterpreted me as a person. I know you know that I'm not that kind. Not a typical woman who get into shits. 

I keep tryin' to get rid of you, on people like you...on the feelings I always used to feel. How come I hardly can't??? I can't. Love sucks. 

TOP TRAITS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP

I just wanna share this interesting article I found out while browsing the net in a heavy traffic street on my way back home. TBH, I've heard & seen on some write-ups this so called Myers-Briggs before but I don't have any idea what literally this really is. You will discover different types of personalities, not just yours but with others too even to those you LOVE. Who's not curious what traits they have, isn't it? Well, whether you have or haven't yet that special someone, this will help you find out what traits you want in a relationship. So here we go...take time to check this link to find out more what I'm talking 'bout Myers-Briggs-Types-Love-Relationships. I also included Free Test for you to try Myers-Briggs Personality Test. Enjoy & happy reading.

Specially for You

I remember so vividly

How you look

the first time I saw you

My heart beats so furiously

As I hear your voice

Saying "How are you?"

I don't know what to say

I just look you in the eye

Til you flash your smile on mine.

After few hours of staring

And you do most of the talking

I can''t help but keep on laughing

Oh and we're now comfortably teasing

I don't know how it happen

That we ended up together

I don't know how it's been

Feeling that seems like forever

Time really flew so fast

My feelings grow much deeper

Love shown with so much blast

It shines like a glitter

You gave me a right reason

To live a life worth living

Guide me with your lesson

You're really worth loving

Thank you for accepting me

Coz I know I'm not that perfect

Thank you for loving me

Coz for me you are so perfect.  

3 Laws of Romantic Attraction

     I got this very interesting note from a friend and it’s worth sharing. I never thought there’s a law like this specifically for a romantic aspect of life. I reread each on the list, yep! I read it thrice hehe ‘coz I’m surprised. I was thinking...c’mon, romance can be as easy as 1,2,3. Whoaha, but, kidding aside, tbh, this is so d*mn well defined. I’m like...come again??? And ended up like, oh yeah ikr then nodding my head in agreement. So true. It’s literally some sort of The Law of Attraction in general. Well, everything we have and everything we want is the reflection of ourselves, is the distinction of ourselves, is the quality of ourselves. Who are you when it comes to romantic attraction? Check it now from below:

1. You don’t attract who you deserve, you attract you think you deserve.
2. You don’t attract who you want, you attract who you are.
3. You don’t attract how you want to be treated, you attract how you treat yourself.

#Ghosted

     I

     As the morning comes                             
     When I woke up
     I open my eyes
     And I look up
     I felt the sadness
    Your name popped-up
     I just then realized
     Missed you so bad.

 
  II                                                                                     IV

  I open my phone                                                             We're in rhyme
  I found nothing                                                               When we started
  No messages shown                                                        In a bit of time
  I hold my breathing                                                        Things were twisted 
  Thinking all alone                                                           Got me in a dime 
  There could be something                                               Been enchanted
  It's been so strange                                                          Believing you're mine
  Everything changed.                                                       Oh...I'm ghosted.

  III                                                                                    V

  I'm wondering                                                                  Came the night
  Could be a nightmare                                                       I'm still waiting
  Am I dreaming?                                                               Finding the light
  But I'm so aware                                                              I keep hoping
  Blinking my eyes                                                             Just to feel right
  Covering my ears                                                             Gotta be going
  I see sweet lies                                                                  'Til I close my eyes
  Heard trembling gears.                                                     Memory flies.

Burstout

#ImLovaholic_Burstout

I came to this part where I just can’t move

Telling me something that it’s not that good

Gotta be sitting still like I’m ‘bout to breakout

I’m gasping to catch some air all throughout

But all I can hear now is my heart’s crying

Damn! It was so loud that I gotta be fainting

How insane it is that it kills me inside

It bleeds through my veins and I just can’t hide

Got from a stab that hits straight through mine

Seems like I’d been shattered down the line

I’m trying so hard to fight this pain I feel

For I know that I’m so weak and it’s hard to deal

Didn’t thought it would end in such a mess

Didn’t thought believing in such a haste

Holding on to that gold chain cloaked with rust

‘Til I notice my fingers are burning in gust

I cautiously loosen up myself from that grip

Left me with bruise and mark that etch so deep

Shallow mind, irrational decisions, baffled emotions

I’m almost crashing from the limit of my dimensions

Read Her – Signs That a Girl Likes a Guy

It’s a pathetic thing for a guy to read a body language that’s why girl’s actions play a hard part from guys POV most of the time. Well, it’s a guy’s nature that they just can’t easily decode on what’s goin’ on with a girls head, what she’s tryin’ to mean, what she wants to convey.

IKR, girls mind and actions are kinda complicated. It changes very quickly and guys have a tough understanding ‘bout it. Opps wait, don’t be confused – read her. There are lots of signs but here, I came up with major signs summed up for you guys to watch out on us girls.

1.       Eyes – our iris dilates which denotes interest. So ya better practise on looking on our eyes.

2.       Smile – most of the time we’re smiling and laughing like LOL even with boring topics or lamest punch lines.

3.       Voice tone – unusual voice pitch on a high note to be noticed when you talks to us but we’re totally oblivious ‘bout it.

4.       Convo – we’re keeping up with the convo. Sometimes we don’t replied back so quickly ‘coz we wanna let you chase on a tease esp. when convo is done thru text/chat.

5.      Actions – we’re kinda tensed (blushing cheeks, palm sweating, stuttering talks, deep breathing, random touching of hair and a bit nervous)

You Got Me on HIGH

I have lots of people I used to admire from simple crushes to super like to love...oops, not that one I guess, it’s infatuation. They makes me smile, brighten up my gloomy days and makes me a bitzy crazy. I came up with this song composition as a reflection of those feelings. I’m not a song composer nor a singer, I just love to write. Well, the outcome??? I find it a little bizarre TBH and I love it. I have the voice memo already. The beat is kinda mixed of millennial pop/rnb/edm 'coz it's my preferred music genre but I’m still working on how this be put into an actual music unless...can someone volunteer to help me out with that? Haha. Hopefully to download it here very very soon. In the meantime, take a look down on these electrifying lyrics. Wish you like it!

I

The moment

I see you

My world stops spinning, my time stops running

I got intoxicated by you

II

As you get closer

over me

My heart keeps beating, my body’s screaming

As a poison spirit runs over me

Verse:

 And when you flash

 that smile...i...ile

Been captivated for awhile...

Chorus:

And I

Just can’t deny

This feeling of mine

Oh I’m on high

But I still gotta try...yyy

No I just can’t hide

Think I’m gonna fly...yyy

Yeah I’m on cloud nine

Coz you get me on high...high

You get me on high...high

 III

The moment

You look at me

Can’t help believing, seems like I’m dreaming

Those flashy eyes strikes intensely      

IV

Then I hear your voice

Yeah you talk to me

My gosh I’m blushing and I’m stammering

How irresistible this can be?

Bridge:

Coz you got me on high...iiiggghhh

You got me on high...oh oh...oooh, yeah

You got me on,

You got me on high

You got me on---

Expectations Hurt

It just hurt so much knowing the person you already liked didn’t met your expectations. Expectations on things that they should be doin’. Expectations on things that they should be showing. Wow! Hail to EXPECTATIONS...such a big word ugh. You know what? That expectation...that expectation hurts. It really hurts and it kills me inside AF. I felt like I’d been crushed, I felt betrayed, I felt hanged all over again. I can’t understand what the heck is goin’ on. Every time that I like someone they failed me. Expectations failed me. Phew. I don’t deserve it BTW. 

Wall-Widepapers.NET

You might ask “Why did you expect anyway?” I retort you in a question like “If someone gave you something to expect, would you expect anyway?” For me, saying yes to that expectation is like saying yes to chances and saying yes to risks.

Look, I let them feel appreciated the moment they show interest on me. I did my best to show that I do care the moment they show concern over me. I used to trust and gave them a chance the moment they want to prove something. I do constant convos which certainly mean that I gave time and it’s not a wasted time anyway. Voila, I took the chances and risks. Duh, isn’t it obvious that there’s an expectations I’m watching over them? I’m kinda skeptical. I know they knew it. C’mon, just few things from the usual expectations and to spell it out: it’s being consistent, it’s being sincere and it’s not giving up. WTH, it's normal to expect for those right? OMG this is insane. I don’t know what’s wrong but the fact is...they STOP! I bummed out and I expect that they don’t let me feel that way. Of all the things I’m expecting from them, there it is. Still, I ended up in woe and misery. Oh gross! Expectation sucks and hurts when it fails you. Sorry...I know there’s something wrong from expectations. What can I do then? I’m just a fallible human being. I expect knowing it would hurt. Sorry, I cared too much, I take risks...I fell damn in love.

Things Women Wish Men Knew

Mostly men don't understand women. They usually came up with confusions into questions like-Why are they like this? Why are they like that? What do they mean? blah blah blah. Yeah, the differences. Men and women have a lot of differences especially the "Wants and Thoughts." Men knew it but they just don't understand it. Here, I found these articles below very interesting. You guys can check this out to really know the answers hahaha!

10 Things Women Wish Men Understood

10 Things Women Wish Men Knew

25 Things Women Wish Men Knew

Guys, Effort Please!

marianakalil.com.br

How do guys get a girl these days? They do it so easily right? I mean no sweat, no effort. Well, IKR...no wonder, everything goes out with social media. You can make friends with a girl you seen online that you find pretty, cute or stunning by hitting up that ADD FRIEND button. You can easily chase what’s goin’ on ATM with the girl you’re admiring by just hitting up that FOLLOW button. You can get connected with the girl you’re into by chatting her, get her digits, go out for a meet up... and there ‘ya go---see what happens next. That’s so, so real quick. A guy can have it all in a short period of time.

TBH, I understand these days, time flew fast and searching out for a potential relationship through social media is kinda an edge to give it a shot. Even it’s been miles away or on the other side of the world, a guy can likely get a girl. Hmmm, one thing I just notice is that guys take this for granted. You might say...just guys? Srsly?  Yep, of course! Still, guys should initiate right? Well, they forget what an EFFORT means. An effort to show the real motive, to show the respect, to show the sincerity. Damn it... that’s what girls anticipate, an effort. It’s a must and guys should be mindful of that. Girls often are kinda tenuous when it comes to feelings. We can easily snag by guys tricky moves. It’s inevitable. IKR, it’s a girl thing and it could be guy’s implication for a sloppy intention. Guys, take a note...it doesn’t work all the time, so don’t be at ease with that though. Ya know what, usually these guys befriend a girl, get into that petty convos, afterwards where now? What the heck? They’re here now, tomorrow they’re gone. Sometimes in the middle of nowhere, without even hitting them into our head, they suddenly beep us up. Phew! They might say, I just wanna know how are you...I just thought of you...I got nothing to do, ya know-a little bored blah blah blah. They might think there’s an effort in there, ‘coz they keep in touch. I might say that’s effort inconsistency. Such a big sigh. So guys, pls. don’t mess up. If you want a girl, it shouldn’t be like that and I know you knew what should be. 

OMG

OMG, it's Emoji Pins!
 secure.static.tumblr.com

My eyes gets frozen like OMG

Whenever I see you, I’m shock with glee

My face flushing, I just can’t hide

Holy crap! You’re on the ride.

My heart beats loud like OMG

As you come closer, I’m trying to flee

It’s kinda insane, I’m on that flame

Oh, so damn! I’m on this game.

My mind so strange like OMG

It’s you, and you...how could it be?

Can’t help but to smile when I think of you

What the heck?...what would I do?

Everything sounds like OMG

The feelings I have keep drowning me

This is hilarious, its mind blowing

Hell yeah! Think I’m falling.

You Don't Even Know

askmen.com

I got into that complicated situation wherein I ended up questioning what had happened, in short, I was left hanging. Well, guys are just so inconsistent AF. Here I got this message personally composed for that guy who didn't even know how he made me feel. There ya go:

You don't even know that you keep me waiting. Honestly, I dont get it. That moment you just ended it up right away. That gave me a big sigh. I used to ask myslef, what the hell is wrong with you? I don't even see something wrong I've done anyway. Oh such a crap, you keep me guessing. You can talk to me and say something instead of letting me just hang there.

2.bp.blogspot.com

You don't even know, this made me crazy. Checking my phone from time to time to see if you have seen my message already or if I got a message from you. This is so disgusting.

You don't even know, I can't help it. This is insane. My mind's so puzzled. How come, with those moments we keep the conversation goin' just faded hazily. It's unfair on my part 'coz I don't know what's on your mind. So please...I wanna hear from you soon.

Guys, Be Gentle!

www.shockmansion.com

One morning, I got this awkward-thing-experience…Luckily, he’s a cutie and I never used to think on “Stop Me Please” rejection. I really know what he’s up to, though I pretend I don’t mind. OMG…and I got that heart beat faster and faster. I feel like I got a little hotter and hotter. My blood overflows on my vein throughout my body furiously. Felt like I’d been struck by lightning. Shocks…what the heck is that? Whoa…I need to breathe in. This should not be like that. I have to clear up my mind to get rid of that sickenin’ thing. Gross! I don’t know what to do until I just blew it off. Well, that’s how it all went out. I then came out with a conclusion that,

 “Sometimes you might felt electrified in just a second without any intention to an adorable guy next to you, but considering to feel his gentleness as you are close to him makes him the best.” 

That was so fascinating. Well, well, well…what does that guy have that made me flicker then? 

Loving You Hurts Me

     

http://smag31.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/lonely-girl.jpg

     You know what? I always think of this... why on earth do I used to make such a space for you? As in always! With just one “hi” from you, I responded so quickly. With that just one text, oh gosh, I can’t help it. It really makes my day. You really mean a lot to me.

     Then I found out one day that I must stop this insanity. Why? You got a girl already. It feels like my heart was pierced by a bullet. I felt like I’d been betrayed. I felt like I’d been duped. I felt like I used to be such a fool for you. It’s hard. A part of me was blown away by so much pain. Husssh. I don’t want to sounds like I’m an option. I conditioned myself to ignore you, not to think of you. I’m trying really, I keep trying.

     Well, honestly, I did it. I did forget you but just for awhile. Hell yeah “for just awhile”. That was so damn, you know. I thought that I’m already over you. I thought that I could finally make it, to let you go, to really forget you. Such until my phone beeps. Opps, I got sms from you checking me how I was. Suddenly my eyes flickered, my lips started to form a smile. The back of my mind reminds me that I shouldn’t. “Hey, remember? Can you stop it, please?” Hmmm...I know I’m kinda naughty. I still replied. Yep, I replied. I used to act as if it’s just a usual convo, that this can’t be more than what it is expected to be , that we’re just friends. Oh gross, got nothing to say. The thing is...I’M STILL HOLDING ON. That moment you beep me up, everything messed up again and it sucks. That was so reckless. I always missed and always want you. 

     Time has passed, our communication keeps on going. I’ve noticed that you’re already available. Haven’t seen your girl on your facebook timeline. So, I used to go with the flow...and let’s see. Then here comes again the reality. This time, I’d been so sucked up. That moment when we got some sort of agreement and with that I need to ask you something as a condition. The question that slapped me with so much hurt. I ask you if you’re available and you said “I’m not.” Remember? You lied the second time. You make me believe with your sweet talks. Make me believe with your kind concerns. Make me believe that there could be something more from us. I can’t understand myself on why I keep holding on to something I’m not sure of to where it’ll be goin’. Why I keep holding on to the feeling that was uncertain, especially on you, on what you want to happen, on what you want from me. You really upset me. I wanted to cry but my eyes were dry. My heart beats slowly just like I’m running out of my breathing. I really don’t know what to do. Wanting you so bad was like screaming out of pain. I pitied myself of being imprisoned with that feeling I have for you knowing that at the end of the day...we can never be together. I almost forgot to keep in mind that I deserve more than you and I should love myself more than you. My friends once told me to let go. Yeah, I know they’re right but I also know that it’s not just easy. Honestly, you know what? loving you is like hurting myself at the sametime. Hope you realized ‘coz I wanna get over with this mess so soon. 

V-day and What?

It's Heart's Day again. Love, couples, flowers, chocolates, dates- the back of my mind says...so what? LOL. Sounds bitter ugh! Just kidding. Well, I'm single and there's nothing to expect 'bout it anyways. Also, I don't have much plan actually. ATM-I'm just with my phone hovering those feeds, got over my computer and doin' some write ups, I'm with cousin watching movies. Let's see what might happen later. Hmmm, this day is not just for couples right? Hell yeah, enjoy the day, enjoy the weekends. Here, check this- got something to share, I found out this, as I go over some articles... A-Single-Girl's-Guide-to-Valentine's-Day. This is cool. It will give this ordinary day some omph. Oh hey! I also inserted an article worth reading, a sort of Valentine-facts. Weird-Things-You-Didnt-Know-About-Valentines-Day.

It Started with a Pic

I got this one glimpse story and this seemed to be a little magical. Yeah, it’s a night with colourful skies full of stars & fireworks. A party shot w/ my cool friends. Here...I never thought of this cutie guy asking to take a picture with me. I recognized him before but I just didn’t mind that much. Yes...I know he’s really cute. I just smiled at him & yeah alright...I took my nod over him when he was introduced with me. Of course, it’s a peculiar scene. What’s so funny is that...I don’t know...but there’s a spark between us. Goshy, this is crazy. It made me smile, not just a smile but a grin. I can’t hide it. I knew my face suddenly turning a little reddish at that moment & so on. After that one click from his cam, he asked for another one. Looking over his phone, whatta smile...he got that very awesome smile. I think I’m frozen. My world stops in awhile. Yeah, honestly, all I see was him & me. This is kinda an XO, ‘ya know. Until such time we need to part. It’s time for me to go even though I don’t want yet. I gave him my goodbye. There ‘ya go...I can’t help it. I still have that smile all over me. He’s so damn cute. I can’t sleep immediately thinking of him especially his smile. This really sucks. Then as I woke up the next morning...c’mon, he’s the first person in my head. I don’t know what to say. I’m hoping to see him again & bond with him again so soon. What a fairytale moment...isn’t it? Oh my...I love it.

Irreplaceable

Image from Thumblr

Oh here I go back in this screwy place I’d been before all over again

Tracing the path you left in me with marks that were still so clear.

All of the stories we’ve made were telling me it won’t work out, dear,

And it will just drip me off with such a pain.

But I keep walking and walking

Knowing, believing and hoping

For I don’t care, I just keep on going

Taking every step, it’s like I’m dashing

Clearing off the pace like I’m hunting

Fearlessly breaking the walls like I’m crashing

I just can’t help, you’re all I’m missing

Draft patterns I see, it’s you...reflecting

Words in my head, it’s your name screaming

It’s hard for me, you’re all I’m thinking

This damn stupid things screwed me up.

Grasping for that big sigh, raising with my eyebrows up.

I just laugh it out myself ‘coz I really just can’t resist you.

My gosh! What the hell it is that I’m just so into you?

What’s Your Love Language?

yogamodern.com

People have different ways in giving love, as well as in receiving it. Some shows love by giving stuffs like chocolates and flowers, some expresses their love by ringing up that someone just to tell them “I love you.” Some feels that they are loved if someone hugs them. Some feels the love if someone is simply just always right besides them. So, the question is...how will you know if it’s love?  

Have you heard the languages of love? Yeah, love do speaks in different languages and we need to brood over it. As we all know, love is an action word and it needs communication (verbal/non-verbal) and so...it needs a language. Love is just like a usual convo wherein, both the giver and the receiver of the message need to have that common language for mutual understanding.  Well, what are these love languages then??? According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five (5) languages of love, it’s written down there:

1)      Words of affirmation

2)      Quality time

3)      Receiving gifts

4)      Acts of service

5)      Physical touch

Hmmm...so what ya think is yours??? I have a quizzer in here Love Language Test  I already took this one and its fun. Honestly, I wasn’t that so surprised on the result of this quizzer ‘coz I got the gist on how it should be...well, it’s based on psychological study and I knew it’s so me. Now speak with me...what ‘ya think is mine? Whoops...I don’t know if my closest ones knew my love language hehe. I guess, they’re the one who would gonna be surprised anyway. So...you can let your friends, family and that special someone, anyone you love, to take this quizzer also so you will know his/her love language. Checked it out and see what love language you’re speaking. You can also go over this site from Dr. Chapman and know more about this 5lovelanguagesDrChapman.

An Open Letter from a Wishing Star

bnarchives.yorku.ca

This is not a heart break letter. Don’t worry. Nothing to break, ‘cause we? ------ No Commitment. Just issues.

Honestly, I don’t know how to start this. What words to choose, what paragraph to compose. Technically, I’m not good in writing.

The whole ride was totally fun! It was memorable, full of what ifs, full of smiles. And I know, I may have that fun in my life again, I know this is better for everyone involved.

       I feel total guilt about the disrespect I have shown to you, to her, and especially to myself. It’s time for me to step-up to the plate and quite acting like I don’t know the difference between GOOD and BAD.

My thoughts: “If you really want to love her, then you shouldn’t be messing around me. You should put all your time and effort into giving your relationship the attention it needs. And you can’t do that if I’m here. “

        My eyes have been opened. We BOTH deserve more, and it’s clear neither of us will find it in one another. Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.

           

        I’m gonna smile like nothing’s wrong. Pretend that everything’s all right and act like it’s all perfect. Love was the greatest gift we have received, yet Love also brings the greatest pain we have to endure.

           

        One day when we least expect it, we will find that thingsare less painful. I was and will be forever amazed at how much my heart can bear. And yes, you and I will be grateful for all that we have lost and for all the things that we will find, in the RIGHT TIME.

      “Each night I put my head to my pillow, SMILE and telling myself I’m strong because another day has ended without YOU.”